Llamas with Hats 3-Human Adapted

Buildings were burning.  People’s screams filled the air.  Cries and moans could be heard from the injured, the victims of the horrific attack that’d happened here.
I sighed and plopped down on the remains of the city hall, staring out at the havoc that’d been wreaked by none other than my own roommate.  “Carl, we’re supposed to be on vacation…”
“I don’t know about you, but I am having a wonderful time.”  Carl walked over, carrying suitcases in each hand.  He was wearing his beanie of course, and a t-shirt that had ‘Viva la Résistance!’ written on it in scrawled lettering.
“You toppled the South American government, Carl,” I told him.
He grinned in response, putting down the suitcases and indicating to his shirt.  “The people have spoken.  Viva la Résistance!” He pumped his fist in the air.
“You pushed the resistance leader into a giant fan.”  One of which I wasn’t sure where had come from…
Carl waved a hand dismissively.  “He was a traitor and a scoundrel.”
“He was trying to stop you from pushing other people into a giant fan.”
Carl opened his mouth to answer, but then paused as he looked down at his stomach, from which it had just looked like something kicked him from the inside.  “Oh.  That was a foot.  I appear to have swallowed an entire person.”
“That would be the hotel bartender,” I told him with another sigh.
“That explains why my mojito was taking so long,” Carl mused.
I shuddered.  “It was horrifying.  Your mouth unhinged like a snake.”  And a very large snake indeed.
Carl’s grin widened.  “Wow, that sounds pretty awesome.”
“I can’t go anywhere with you, Carl!” I said exasperatedly.
He pouted.  “Aw, that hurt my feelings.  Now we’re both in the wrong.”
I stood up, walking away without even looking at him.  “I’ve had enough of this, we’re leaving.”
“In that case, I should probably mention I filled our luggage with orphan meat.”
I whirled around to see Carl pointing to the suitcases.  “What?”
Carl shrugged innocently.  “Well, I’m building a meat dragon, and not just any meat will do.”
I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose between my fingers.  Like always, Carl was giving me a headache.  “You know what?  I’m not even shocked anymore.”
Carl made a face.  “Aw, that’s no fun,” he complained.
“This has become the norm for you, Carl.”
He frowned.  “I’ll have to try harder next time.”
“Please don’t…”
“I feel like I’ve been issued a challenge,” Carl mused, starting to smile.
“Carl…”
“It’s too late now!” he proclaimed, wagging a finger in my face.  “You….”
I blinked.  That was a new one, even for Carl.  “You?”
“I totally don’t remember your name.”
I resisted the urge to smack him upside the head.  “We’ve known each other for three years, Carl!”
“And what an impression you’ve made,” he said in that tone that meant he was lying.
I crossed my arms, annoyed.  “My name is Paul.”
Carl’s eyebrows raised.  “What?”
“I said, my name is Paul,” I repeated.
“Oh.”  His forehead furrowed.  “I thought you were a woman.”
I stared at him like he was insane, then down at myself.  What was he smoking?  I looked nothing like a girl!  “Why would you think that?”
“Mostly the hat.”  Carl tilted his head to the side, examining me curiously.  “Are you sure?”
How many times did I have to tell him a fedora wasn’t a chick hat?!  “Of course I’m sure!”
“Well then…” Carl began shuffling away.  “If you’d excuse me, I have some pictures to delete from my computer…”