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Literature Text
I watched the burning ship sink on the horizon, then turned to my roommate, who was sheepishly grinning at me. "Carl, what on Earth was all that?"
"I'm not sure what you're referring to," he said innocently.
"You sunk an entire cruise ship, Carl!"
"Are you sure that was me? I think I would remember something like that." He sat down on the floor of the lifeboat we were in, crossing his legs and looking up at me.
I crossed my arms. "Carl, I watched you fire a harpoon into the captain's face." I didn't even know how Carl knew how to fire a harpoon!
"That sounds dangerous."
"You were head-butting children off the side of the ship!"
"That, ah, must have been horrible to watch." Carl's expression said different--he looked like he was enjoying this.
"And then you started making out with the ice sculptures!" I cried, exasperated.
Carl smiled, as if in doing this, he'd been doing a great service to society. "Thank god that the children weren't on board to see it!"
I was tempted to kick him off the lifeboat, but when I lifted my shoe to do it, I realized I was standing in a puddle of something sticky and reddish. "Carl, why is the bottom of the lifeboat all red and sticky?"
"Hm?" Carl looked down. "Oh, I guess you could say it is red and sticky."
"Carl, what are we standing in?" I demanded.
"Um..." Carl tapped his chin thoughtfully, as if thinking of an answer. "Would you believe it's strawberry milkshake?"
Oh god. What could it BE? "No Carl, I would not believe that."
"Hm...melted gumdrops?"
"No."
"Boat nectar?"
"No!"
"Some of God's tears?"
"Tell me the truth, Carl!" I said furiously.
"Fiine." Carl yawned, playing with the green beanie he always wore. "It's the lovely elderly couple from 2B."
"Carl!"
"Well, they were taking all the croissant rolls," Carl whined, as if this was an offense that merited murder.
"I can't believe what I'm hearing!"
He grinned again. "I will not apologize for art."
'That's not art, that's homicide!' I was about to yell, but then something dreadfully wrong occurred to me. I cast a glance around the thoroughly calm ocean. No other life besides us and the occasional fish. "Where are the other lifeboats?"
Carl looked around too, raising both eyebrows. "Wow, you won the prize, I didn't even notice that."
He had to be behind this. "Where are the other lifeboats, Carl?"
He frowned, looking up at the sun high in the sky, then the water. "Judging by the trajectory of the moon and the sun...probably at the bottom of the ocean."
I stared at him, speechless.
"I bit lots of holes in them," he added as his explanation.
"Carl!"
"I have a problem. I have a serious problem," he admitted, though he was still smiling.
"You are just...TERRIBLE today!"
Carl put a finger to his lips. "Shh...do you hear that?" I looked around for a minute, confused, until he said, "That's the sound of forgiveness."
"That's the sound of people drowning, Carl."
"THAT," he informed me, putting emphasis on the word, "is what forgiveness sounds like. Screaming, and then silence..."
I huffed in response and stared out moodily at the waves, wondering how we were going to get out of THIS mess.
"I'm not sure what you're referring to," he said innocently.
"You sunk an entire cruise ship, Carl!"
"Are you sure that was me? I think I would remember something like that." He sat down on the floor of the lifeboat we were in, crossing his legs and looking up at me.
I crossed my arms. "Carl, I watched you fire a harpoon into the captain's face." I didn't even know how Carl knew how to fire a harpoon!
"That sounds dangerous."
"You were head-butting children off the side of the ship!"
"That, ah, must have been horrible to watch." Carl's expression said different--he looked like he was enjoying this.
"And then you started making out with the ice sculptures!" I cried, exasperated.
Carl smiled, as if in doing this, he'd been doing a great service to society. "Thank god that the children weren't on board to see it!"
I was tempted to kick him off the lifeboat, but when I lifted my shoe to do it, I realized I was standing in a puddle of something sticky and reddish. "Carl, why is the bottom of the lifeboat all red and sticky?"
"Hm?" Carl looked down. "Oh, I guess you could say it is red and sticky."
"Carl, what are we standing in?" I demanded.
"Um..." Carl tapped his chin thoughtfully, as if thinking of an answer. "Would you believe it's strawberry milkshake?"
Oh god. What could it BE? "No Carl, I would not believe that."
"Hm...melted gumdrops?"
"No."
"Boat nectar?"
"No!"
"Some of God's tears?"
"Tell me the truth, Carl!" I said furiously.
"Fiine." Carl yawned, playing with the green beanie he always wore. "It's the lovely elderly couple from 2B."
"Carl!"
"Well, they were taking all the croissant rolls," Carl whined, as if this was an offense that merited murder.
"I can't believe what I'm hearing!"
He grinned again. "I will not apologize for art."
'That's not art, that's homicide!' I was about to yell, but then something dreadfully wrong occurred to me. I cast a glance around the thoroughly calm ocean. No other life besides us and the occasional fish. "Where are the other lifeboats?"
Carl looked around too, raising both eyebrows. "Wow, you won the prize, I didn't even notice that."
He had to be behind this. "Where are the other lifeboats, Carl?"
He frowned, looking up at the sun high in the sky, then the water. "Judging by the trajectory of the moon and the sun...probably at the bottom of the ocean."
I stared at him, speechless.
"I bit lots of holes in them," he added as his explanation.
"Carl!"
"I have a problem. I have a serious problem," he admitted, though he was still smiling.
"You are just...TERRIBLE today!"
Carl put a finger to his lips. "Shh...do you hear that?" I looked around for a minute, confused, until he said, "That's the sound of forgiveness."
"That's the sound of people drowning, Carl."
"THAT," he informed me, putting emphasis on the word, "is what forgiveness sounds like. Screaming, and then silence..."
I huffed in response and stared out moodily at the waves, wondering how we were going to get out of THIS mess.
Literature
Llamas with Hats Alternative Ending
(Carl is standing outside a ruined house, with the mask floating beside him.)
Carl
Paul? Are you home? Paul?
Mask
I'm right here, Carl.
Carl
No you're not! You're not Paul, you're an imposter.
Mask
CAAAAAAARRRRL!
Carl
Stop it!
Mask
You must finish your work, Carl.
Carl
Paul! Paul!
Mask
You're almost done, Carl.
Carl
I'm coming in, Paul. I'm sorry if this violates your restraining order but it's important!
(Carl enters the house.)
Carl
Paul? Paul!
Paul
Leave me alone, Carl.
Carl
This is important, Paul. I need you guard the blood vortex.
Mask
Stop this, Carl. You must finish your work.
Carl
Please, Paul. You're the
Literature
Ianthony story
“Ian!” I call into the living room.
“What?” He calls back.
“Get in here!!” A few seconds later, Ian comes strutting in.
“Sup?” He asks.
“Um, I was on your computer earlier today and um, why do you have pictures of me on it?” His face turns red.
“Why the hell were you on my computer?” He asks.
“Mine wasn’t working.” I say calmly.
“Well I don’t know why you think I have pictures of you. Cause I don’t.”
“Ian! Yes you do! There in a folder on your desktop titled ‘Anth
Literature
You're Probably On Youtube Too Much If. . .
-You Yell "BARRELZ!!!!!!"
-You say "Son of a buiscuit!!!!"
-You talk to random objects and expect them to reply.
-When the person in the videos asks something, you accually reply.
-You eat nuggets in biscuits with BBQ sauce dipped in mashed potatoes.
-When you see someone hot,you call them "hothothothot"
-You wish you had sideburns.
-You give lyrics to songs without lyrics.
-You think people have 7 asses.
-You yell "SHUT UP!!!!" rather dramatically.
-You are convinced that the game My Sims is from the pit of Hell.
-You kick barrels.
-You tend to say "Good sir" a lot.
-You call Austria(from Hetalia) Trolstria.
-You know who calls
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